I get to the door and 8 other people are waiting outside for the doors to open at 10 AM. I check out my soon to be naked company and see that I am at least 20 years younger than these people. Good start. I stand in line at the end to see what they all do to check in. Most of them have big duffel bags....was I suppose to bring things? So when I see that some are renting towels and robes, I think...thank goodness!
I get up to check in and they say "oh you must be Kara Foulk", yes I am the one with all the appointments today. They tell me to go to the top floor to the change rooms and that my first apt is at 11:10. So I go up the stairs and I see 10 different changing rooms. No signs saying men to the right, women to the left, just dressing rooms. Now imagine what saloon doors look like, that is what the doors to the changing rooms look like. I can pass a room and see who is there changing since you can see from the shoulders up and knees down. First room is a couple, then another couple, then more men...so I keep passing the rooms until I find one to myself. Not ready for undressing in front of people yet.
I stick on my robe and head downstairs to the information desk. They tell me my first appointment is at 11:10 so I should enjoy the next hour exploring the rooms. So I head off to the sauna area. Already my German Naked counterparts are laying down basking in all their glory in almost every room. So I keep looking until I find a room where I can be by myself, work my way slowly into naked groups. I disrobe and go in naked. I can do this, no worries. Then the door opens, oh just some woman. She brings in her towel and lays down for the long haul. After 5 min I am done with that sauna, too hot. I head back out and go into the roman sauna which is a little bit cooler. I join the other 2 men and 2 ladies already laying down, feet up, and relaxing. As I go from room to room all the Germans have brought their own towels to sit on. In the brochure no one was sitting on towels, am I suppose to be sitting on a towel? Of course would I want to sit on this seat if some old naked hairy man was sitting here before me without a towel? So I go to get a towel to save the poor German's from sitting on my butt sweat.
Most of the people their were older couples in the morning, but as the day got later ladies would come with their girlfriends, and younger couples appeared. But for now its just me and myself for an hour, all alone, with all these naked people. Now I know we have all seen a naked man before, but to be surrounded by so many naked men...so many different shapes and sizes, all to be just hanging out, bobbing up and down in the whirl pool, swinging as they walk, it was a little to much. Especially when I had no one to talk about it with! So after an hour of my German bonding I went for my massage.
The massage was easy enough. Walk in, get naked, get on a table face down, have the lady roll up a little towel and put it on your crack. Yea that is totally covering me up. Then it is time to roll over. Again, roll over naked and then she puts a little towel on your privates. As soon as the oil comes on, the towel comes off the boobs. So as I am getting all lubed up someone knocks on the door to give my masseuse a message. Oh sure come on in, chat, take up a chair, I am just naked!
So off to lunch where I can wear a robe, thank you.
Now it is time for the facial. The lady greets me and tells me in German that she does not speak any English. I tell her in English, no problem and just point to my face hands and feet. We are good!
So I walk into the room and take off my robe. I sit in the chair, yes naked, she starts to put the chair down like a dentist and then puts a towel on me. Now normally when I get a facial, they are relaxing. I little probing, but for the most part relaxing.
This facial was from HELL! I wanted to get up and run out! But I remembered that I was naked so not a good idea...maybe that is why we are naked. hmmm
So she washes my face and then gets out the scary bright light with the huge magnifying glass. My eyes are closed since if I had opened them I am sure I would have been blinded for life. I can hear her pulling open wrappers and metal objects falling onto a table. First she starts to pluck the eyebrows (did not ask for that, must have needed it). Then she starts to go for the clogged pores. I swear to you I have not felt this much pain since I was in labour! She is pushing so hard I swear she is going to put a hole into my skin. Just as I thought the pain could not get any worse I would hear her grab a different instrument and start to what sounded like clip and pick...was she digging, cutting, what was she doing! She was cleaning pores that I swear I did not have. She started on the forehead and then when down one side of my face. I kept thinking "go to my happy place, go to my happy place.....find my happy place, where the hell is my happy place! I don't have a happy place"! So after she gets to my chin I have started Lamaze breathing...hehehe whooooo, hehehe whooooo. She starts to laugh and takes the light off my face for a second. I am sweating up a storm from the pain. So after my 10 second break she starts on the other side. Now I am laughing to myself because I am thinking "I am so writing about this in my blog, should I write in the 3rd person, write out the sound effects"?When she was finally done I swear my face was swollen and hot! I thought this must what it feels like to have botox. I swear I did not have one wrinkle when she was finished because my face was swollen! She put cold ice on my face to calm it down. Did that sound like fun? No, no, no. In case you were wondering.
So she leaves me laying down and starts to work on my hands and feet. I guess and mani/pedi at this place means we shape your nails, push down your cuticles, buff the nails and put lotion on you.
I miss my $35.00 mani/pedi at Sandy nails in CT!!
Now in 3rd person, I say to myself "self I am done with all this great relaxing and I am going to cool off in the nice salt pool". Now the place is packed. People are everywhere. This is definitely something you want to do with your spouse or a friend. Us Americans just do not know how to relax, or maybe its just me. People are just laying on lounge chairs reading books, newspapers, sleeping, or just chatting. I can lay out to relax if I know I am getting something in return...like a suntan. I can read a book....if I know I get to go to sleep after the next chapter. I do not know how they do it, just relax.
So I think I have had enough German relaxation for awhile. Now for some good American relaxing, put my feet up, open a can of diet coke and watch a TV show! What can be better than that!
www.baederhaus.de
bring a robe, towel, sandals and leave your modesty at the door. ; )
Oh thank you thank you for the amazing, gut renching laugh. That sounds like you had a blast. I really wish I could have been there just to see you get that facial. I also know what you mean about missing your stateside pedicures. I miss them like crazy. They're just not the same here.
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